JOY in the journey

Confession: the last two days have not been so hot, (literally and figuratively). The following sentence is bound to make anyone who knows me well chuckle like there is no tomorrow. I like things to be organized. Okay, maybe this is more accurate: I NEED things to be organized. So far, my experience with my new job has been anything but organized. The anal retentive person inside me has been screaming and crying all at the same time. I have been at the brink of tears the last two mornings thinking about Cora B. Darling and how I could be in Postville working in my beautiful classroom, teaching alongside my incredible coworkers who I miss *SO* much, giving and receiving hugs from some of the most wonderful children this world has known, living my organized life. (I know. “The grass is always greener” thoughts are dangerous.) The worst part is, though, no one else seems too bothered by this chaos. “Welcome to CEDEI School,” they say. I knew that this year was going to be different. I guess I just wasn't prepared for how different it was going to be. 

Plain and simple: this girl is homesick. 

At this point then, you’re probably wondering why I entitled this post “JOY in the journey.” The thing is, I chose Cuenca to pursue my dream of being bilingual because it is a city I love. This city has managed to dig me out of some devastating times in my life. This place is where I have felt immense JOY, and right now, I am allowing myself to lose sight of that. Please believe that I am trying to be positive. I am trying to put these frustrations into perspective. I cannot expect this year to be like every other Cuenca experience. The circumstances are different; I’m not just hanging out, taking Spanish classes for four hours a day. MY circumstances are different; I’m not running away from anything this time. I made the decision to leave a perfectly wonderful life in order to live without regret and attain a goal. Five weeks is not the same as one year. I must learn to be patient and do my best to focus on JOYful things like: I love yous, impromptu conversations with the lovely Lindsey Bulger, kindness from Cat, Karen, and Paulina, helado, Lida’s sarcasm, español, and the beautiful little girl I got to chat with yesterday while I was waiting in the panadería. 


Before coming to Cuenca this time around, I purchased a necklace that reads: “The joy is in the journey.” I bought it to remind myself of what this adventure is all about, and while I might not believe it right now, know that I desperately want to believe it.

This is a JOURNEY. I need to focus on putting JOY into it;

 (whether it’s organized or not).